"Things would have been so much easier if I were gay."
A law student friend of mine quotes this from her straight friend who has been mistaken a lot for being gay, due to his effeminacy. The guy I've been told is in a happy relationship with his girlfriend.
It brings to mind one TV show I remember watching when I was a kid. The story involved a flamboyant effeminate boy (played by Vandolph, and then by Dominic Ochoa as an adult), who end up impregnating and marrying his long-time female childhood friend. It also brings to mind famous "bakla" celebrities such as Jun Encarnacion and Ogie Diaz who each end up raising a family. I sense the Philippine society's reaction to this as a mixture of both disgust and approval: disgust, with the thought of how a stereotypical gay man and a stereotypical straight woman could endure having sexual intercourse with each other and enjoy it, and approval, for having gone beyond "sinful" carnal desire to fulfill a man's "God-bound duty" to be head and provider of a God-fearing family. They're looked upon as heroes, for despite being effeminate they're thought off as being more responsible fathers than they're more masculine beer-guzzling peers, proving that they're more worthy to be called a "man".
I still however resent that either way, effeminacy is still looked upon as something "wrong", as something that needs to be "redeemed", regardless of the guy's sexual orientation. Now I'd like to distinguish this sentiment from sheer personal taste: I would NOT, in my most desperate sexual fetishes, have sex with Jun Encarnacion (bless his soul). But if you're a straight guy who just so happened to have snappier fingers than usual, it must have been terrible to be branded gay right away. First, because you're seen as having something "wrong", and second because you're seen as what you're really not, the same way a transgender woman would cringe if she were called "sir". It would then have been much easier indeed if you were gay, as you'd save the trouble of having to explain every time that while you can sway your hips better than beauty queen contestants, you just happen to like licking pussies more than cocks.
Ironically as a transgender woman, I'm often inclined to fall into believing that things would have been so much easier if I were a gay man too. It would save me the trouble of having to explain to people the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. I wouldn't have to be bothered every time I see my name prefixed in official documents with "Mister". I wouldn't have to take expensive self-medicated hormones to look more feminine and risk cancer and liver failure in the next few years. I wouldn't have to be worried being caught "cross-dressing" by my family. I could've signed up without discrimination on PR and have SEB's, provided I buffed up my abs a little and evaded posers. I could've had a chance to share my heart with the gay men I once fell in love with.
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